If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
