Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I deserve this hangover.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
