Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Every concussion has its silver lining
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
