Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
