I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
