I got chris browned last night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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