D3 body, D1 cock
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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