genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have aggressive nipples.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
