you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
