I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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