just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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