Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
