We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
