i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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