The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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