This is not my ceiling
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
