It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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