Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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