that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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