it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
