i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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