Who did Billy Mays play for?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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