I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
