I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
