The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
