Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
