I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
