Pappa wants mamma naked
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
