we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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