I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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