you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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