she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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