I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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