it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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