Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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