The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
