you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
