guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
