I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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