I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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