this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
