I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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