My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have fence marks all over my body
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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