I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
