You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
