i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
