Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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