Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
