I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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