That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
